Happy fall, y'all! I have been very productive this October. I am so happy that I have been! I gave up Diet Cokes for 3 weeks (I am back to 1 a day) I started going to the gym at 5:30 each morning with my dear mom for 30 minutes of cardio, I have been cooking all meals (we have only eaten out three times this month), I have been super domestic (cleaning, scrubbing, organizing, and yes, baking). This past Sunday, as I was watching one of my all time favs The Secret Life of Bees I decided to pull out the ingredients for a Pumpkin Cheesecake! Holy Cheesecake....to DIE for delish! After cooling and waiting VERY patiently for 5 hours while it was in the fridge, I doused a piece with caramel and cool whip with sprinkled cinnamon....falling into the rich, creamy, sweet, and cozy goodness.....needless to say, I will be making that for the Thanksgiving dessert table this year! So what else have we been up to...you guessed it....baby stuff. To keep it simple it is going really great this month! I am pleasantly surprised how smooth this month seems, how less stressed I am, and how positive too! Our Anniversary is coming up on November 18th...and I am hoping to go somewhere to get away! I would love to go to San Antonio for the weekend (it is so romantic there)! Oh yea, and I colored my hair a rich brown, with glazed highlights peeking through the bottom! I think fall is in full effect at Annie's house! I hope you are falling into something, and not too many pumpkin cheesecakes or anything (because New Year's Resolutions are right around the corner...like 10 weeks away!) Happy fall y'all! Click here for the pumpkin cheesecake recipe!
- "Wow" is how I am going to begin this post. Although I am internally speechless, I have news to shout from the mountain tops! I have been officially diagnosed with my PCOS and we have a TREATMENT PLAN! Long story short- it is very possible that we could be pregnant by the end of August (Metformin/Letrozol/Surgery/Luck). Okay okay! If you are like me, you want A.L.L. off the details! Here goes:
- After 20 months of planning our family unsuccessfully, we decided that we would seek more progressive methods and visit a fertility specialist. Thank goodness we did. I almost have been saying to myself, "If only I would have done this last year..." Dr. Schnell, from Houston, Texas- who also works out of an office close to our home, has been treating us. At our first appointment, we discussed our max options, looked over my horrible symptoms from the past few years, and planned out "our plan" to fix me. I did not think I could be fixed, I never dreamed of anyone figuring out exactly what was wrong with me, but she did. After our discussions, we did an ultrasound and a culture and we talked about what was going on "in there." She noticed that one of my ovaries was VERY high, however that wasn't the problem hindering us from babies. It was structural, but also, hormonal. She noticed a small polyp on my uterus. This was the cause for all of my bleeding the last year (and we are talking non-stop bleeding for months and months and months at a time)! She also noticed that my cervix was inflamed and we are getting that under control. But here is what really excited me- she noticed that I have two very large ovaries, one not dominate than the other, both filled with fabulous-ready-to-be-fertilized eggs, and lots of follicles! No blockages, no Endo, nothing else hindering us except a darn polyp and my hormones.
- Here is what is about to happen- On July 22, 2011, I am having out patient surgery so that Dr. Schnell can take out the cyst. ONE WEEK-- yea, I said it- ONE WEEK from my surgery date, we will go in for post op. appointment. She will then make sure I am fine, and give me medication to start my cycle and also put me on (2) 500 ER Metformin pills (to be taken from day 1 of cycle, until my I finish my first trimester) During cycle days 3-7 I will take Letrozole (INN, trade name Femara) 3x's a day. On about cycle day 12 we will go in for an HCG trigger shot to make sure that my body knows what to do....OVULATE! I haven't ovulated since January 31st, so this is exciting! On cycle days 14-16 we will make sure to be baby dancing (however I am not limiting it to just those days) because, really- what if I ovulate sooner/later, right! On Cycle day 21 we will check my levels, I think she said something about giving me a shot of progesterone or something like that. On day 28 we will go back in to her office for a pregnancy test, hoping and praying that if it is God's Will, we see TWO PINK LINES! If not, we will make decisions from there, as far as how many more medicated cycles, when will we do the next, etc... Our cycles are very pricey, along with the initial surgery cost, so we will see. If 2-3 medicated cycles do not work, we will not be seeking any other progressive methods. For now, I am okay with that.
- So as I laid on the medical table yesterday, I realized- I am at the end of this very long stressful and confusing journey, but I am about to start a new one. It will be stressful and long and confusing too, but it will be worth it in the end. Wish us luck and as always, your prayers are appreciated. xoxo annie
- Purge time---choose song 31 and follow along as you listen:
- Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself And covered with a perfect shell Such a charming, beautiful exterior Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes Perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by But you're barely scraping by
- This is one time, this is one time That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone Or anyone at all...or anyone at all And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you've built to flee, The places that you've come to fear the most, Is the place that you have come to fear the most.
- Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself And hidden in the public eye Such a stellar monument to loneliness Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes Perfect make-up, but you're barely scraping by But you're barely scraping by...
- Well this is one time, well this is one time That you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone Or anyone at all...or anyone at all And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you've built to flee, The places that you've come to fear the most, Is the place that you have come to fear the most.
- And you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone Or anyone at all..or anyone at all And the grave that you refuse to leave The refuge that you've built to flee, The places that you've come to fear the most, Is the place that you've come to fear the most, Is the place that you have come to fear the most.
- I just had to get that out.
- Lyrics: DC-
- When one stuffs emotions they know there is only so much room. Eventually, it all has to come up- for me that is figurative, in writing- but sometimes it is literal, with my heart burn- literally heart burn when I am stressed (OUCH- gotta love those TUMS). Writing for me, is a "purging of emotions"-- a healing of the soul. On the outside, I am happy and fabulous. For the most part, I have an "easy" life-- where everything is great (not perfect-- who am I kidding) and it goes just my way. Inside it's a tornado. A whirlwind of emotions that get stuffed down day after day. It's is a war between the heart and the mind. A difficulty. A confusion.
- Outside, I am "put together." Inside, I am falling a part. Outside, I smile. Inside, I forgot how to. Outside, I control everything. Inside, everything controls me. Outside, I know who I am. Inside, I am still searching. Outside, I am intelligent and can manage all things. Inside, I know nothing and can't do two things at once. On the outside, It's sunny. On the inside, It's a rainy day. Outside, I am the life of the party. Inside, I am the party of one.
- On the outside I take control like this "It is MY blog. MY feelings. This blog is MY healing process. Let it be" On the inside, I lose control like this, "I am too scared to write on MY blog about MY feelings and talk about MY healing process." It is then that I realize, on the outside I am a writer, and on the inside, I have nothing to say.
- Okay peeps. Let me TELL you what ticked me off this weekend. Well, first off- I will NEVER, NEVER, never go to Chili's Bar & Grill -- EVER again (in my entire life). Conveniently Hubbs and I have a Chili's about 5-6 miles from where we live, and we used to go often and haven't been since I started WW. So, Saturday after weigh in, I hadn't seen the hubbs in a few days due to work and we decided to go there.
- Yea.....ummmm have you ever seen their Nutrition Facts? Why don't you go ahead and look up what you would normally eat at Chili's and you probably WILL NEVER go back! click here:
- So. I know on WW that you must PLAN to be successful, however we went on a whim and I decided to order the big mouth bites- (mini cheese burgers) so....yea- THANK GOD I only ate 1/2 (2 small burgers)! According to the nutrition facts, an entire plate with ranch-- which I didn't have, and (I don't know if the fries were counted in the points value) but it was all 50 points and look at the FAT in all of their items! YES 4 burgers fries included, again I am not sure, but it came to 50 points! W.O.W.
- I ate 2 without ranch and no FF. I counted the two burgers for 20 points. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD EAT FOR 20????? HELLO!!! So, Girl, let me tell YOU~ and anybody else out there reading my blog-- STAY THE HECK away from Chili's Bar & Grill.
- Whoop Whoop! That's right people--- I am offically in the 180s! I reached my goal of 188 this week. Here is what worked this week:
- FIRST : I set goals and wrote them on the refrigerator--- Last week I weighed in at 191.6- so this week I decided to PUSH myself and set the goal of 188. I didnt care if it was 188.9 (if it said 188 on the scale I was going to get a pedicure this weekend) I weighed in on Friday just to see, and sure enough- 188.8- so lets see if I can continue to drop!
- SECOND: I exercised- almost every day--- including the walking I'm going to do tonight, I will have exercised 6 days this week- AND THAT'S GREAT!
- THIRD: I made a promse to myself that I would only eat 1/2 of my 49 FLEX points (infact, I have 29 flex points left and 20 activity points) So I did BETTER than what I promised.
- FOURTH- I took my Metformin EVERY DAY :)
- Overall, I was more concious of my eating habits. If I splurged at lunch, then I ate Special K for dinner. If I was hungry, I asked myself the age old WW question, "Could you eat a can a green beans?" If the answer was YES, then I ate what I wanted. I also lived by this Bethenney Frankel Quote--"You can have it all, just not all at once."
- Spring has sprung! I know you all have been wondering if I fell off the face of the Earth, and well, I kind of did! I was very sick for about 6 weeks. I couldn't get over it! Major Sinus infection, which was causing some pretty bad coughing. I was at home for about 12-15 days trying to get better. I went to the doctor 3 times and finally was referred to the E-N-T for allergies and a blocked sinus cavity! I am finally better but realized, "Hey! I've wasted so much time being sick, I haven't done anything productive. For starters, I lost about 5 pounds, just from being sick- but other than that, I didn't lose any weight. Then I was on so much medication that I didn't really eat regularly, so guess what...I didn't take my Metformin. BOOOO! Bad Annie! Last but not least... I didn't work out at all! Now I'm playing catch up and I am so busy getting my house back to normal and my work stuff done, that I am too tired! But there is hope---
- As you might know, I am a teacher and next week is SPRING BREAK! WoooOO HooOOOoo!
- So, I'm taking my days next week to relax and get back into the SPRING of things :0)
- I have got to start walking and eating better. I have to get back on my meds. I always ask myself, "Is it that you don't want a baby?" "No? WELL GET TO WORK MISSY"! After some quiet time this week, I realized what is stopping me....fear (shhhh) I said it in tiny words because I don't want fear to know that it has got the "best of me."If I lose weight guess what has to happen next, every thing that I have been wanting so long. It is kind of like this-
- Is losing weight and getting healthy a choice, or a chore? It is a CHOICE! It isn't like unloading the dishwasher, it isn't like paying the electric bill, it isn't like going grocery shopping. It isn't a chore. It is a choice. And right now, I am deliberately choosing to waste my time because I am scared of failing. I am dedicated enough to finish school and teach 125 10th graders in an inner city school. I am brave enough to live in the same town in which the school I was working at slung my name through the mud when I was innocent. I have enough power to not be ashamed to go to counseling and talk about my problems with people that might one day judge me, so why in the HELL am I scared to lose 10,20,30, Heck 60 pounds? Because it is a choice, but it is a choice to do something I've never EVER done.
- I am so cyclical. I say I am going to do something, I get motivated, then I find excuses when I am stressed or tired. I am A-D-D to my own life. My mom was joking with me the other day saying "You can only focus on one thing at a time, lose weight or work--- but you can't do both." Even though she was joking- SHE WAS RIGHT! I spread myself SO thin to work and relationships, and going and going and going, church, and family, and LIFE that I put ME on the back-burner.
- So, last week I decided it was ME MONTH- Hell, Me YEAR! As the next thing to sign up for at church came up, I didn't sign up. And as this or that friend called to ask me to do something I declined. As I continued to leave work with my "glass empty" I decided that my husband deserved getting some of my energy every night too, so I started leaving with it "half empty."(baby steps)
- I'm taking some "chill time" right now. My teaching partner and I are kicking off the return of Spring Break with Weight Watchers---slow and steady wins the race! I think I am going to start during spring break just to get me feeling better...(she can not, she will be at Disney World!) So, I'm spending some good ol' quality time with Annie B. Ill be checking in soon! I hope all is well with you-- even though I haven't been blogging, I've been a blog stalker and I have been checking in with you!
- H-Holds me when I'm sad for no reason
- U-understands why I am happy one minute and sad the next---updates my ipod
- S-stands by all my decisions- good and bad- and secures my doubts
- B-bakes dinner when I don't "feel" like being a "housewife" and whips up random goodness
- A- always takes me into consideration when he makes family decisions for us
- N-Never eats the last bite of a really good dish with out giving it to me (very important)---nurses me back to health--never doubts my intelligence
- D- does dishes---does laundry---dries my tears---decorates outside for Christmas when he doesn't want to---dates me on the weekends---directs me when I am lost---decreases my stress!
He loves me for me- which means he loves me when I haven't washed my hair, He loves me when he comes home at 4:00 pm on a Saturday and I'm still in my PJ's. He loves me for my ignorance of geography- especially the locations of Alaska and Hawaii. He loves me for running the bank account down to 1.27 until pay day. He loves me for making excuses for everything I do in life, and most of all he loves me for what I used to be, what I have become, and what I will be in the future.
I love my hubby---CODY you are WONDERFUL & I love you.