4 days ago
Captain Writer... She's our Hero
“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter.” – James Earl Jones. As I stumbled across this quote it took the words out of my mouth. I obviously have problems with expressing how I feel face to face with someone else. My meek self would rather be a weak self and hide behind a sheet of paper or a keyboard. That stems from self confidence. I don’t have the confidence to believe that I am smart enough or rational enough or serious enough to be this “writer” that I really am on the inside. This power from writing is only with-in- it’s like a super hero power that is dormant all day, because what I am really feeling on the inside is confusion. All super heroes are like that. They are total opposites of what they turn into when they fight their battles. When I fight a battle, my Super Writing Powers start to erupt and I feel calm amongst the storm. Earth-Wind-Fire- Water—NO….it’s more like: “Mind-Music-Words-Pages, with our powers combined…” When I talk with someone face to face, they can’t see my with-in because I am a great shell- a “well put-together, happy concoction of perfection” in their eyes—in mine, a poker face. I am working on that. I think I don’t want them to see my with-in. It is easier to mask it, than explain it. It is easier to pretend, than to be honest. It is easier to act than it is to direct to play. It is easier to just share my feelings with me.