The Inside of the Outside

• When one stuffs emotions they know there is only so much room. Eventually, it all has to come up- for me that is figurative, in writing- but sometimes it is literal, with my heart burn- literally heart burn when I am stressed (OUCH- gotta love those TUMS). Writing for me, is a "purging of emotions"-- a healing of the soul. On the outside, I am happy and fabulous. For the most part, I have an "easy" life-- where everything is great (not perfect-- who am I kidding) and it goes just my way. Inside it's a tornado. A whirlwind of emotions that get stuffed down day after day. It's is a war between the heart and the mind. A difficulty. A confusion.

• Outside, I am "put together." Inside, I am falling a part. Outside, I smile. Inside, I forgot how to. Outside, I control everything. Inside, everything controls me. Outside, I know who I am. Inside, I am still searching. Outside, I am intelligent and can manage all things. Inside, I know nothing and can't do two things at once. On the outside, It's sunny. On the inside, It's a rainy day. Outside, I am the life of the party. Inside, I am the party of one.

• On the outside I take control like this "It is MY blog. MY feelings. This blog is MY healing process. Let it be" On the inside, I lose control like this, "I am too scared to write on MY blog about MY feelings and talk about MY healing process." It is then that I realize, on the outside I am a writer, and on the inside, I have nothing to say.