I have been praying in excess lately; so many signs have come my way. I was begging a few days ago for God to give me a sign. Show me which way to turn at this fork in the road of my fertility journey. I asked Cody the other day, "How do you know the difference between when God is answering you and what you want to hear from the voice that is speaking in the back of your head." He replied, "The more time you spend with the Lord, the more you will know His voice." So true, I thought...so true. I didn't necessarily HEAR a voice in adoration or while I was on my drive home, but I DID hear my answer. We got a call about our insurance flex card not coming in until October 11, while I was on the phone with the RE trying to figure out a way to finagle a plan to pay for our next cycle late, I thought- WHOA! Hold on, Annie- are you listening? If you ask, seek, and knock, He will answer. He did, I just didn't want to accept it. Even though I didn't really want to move forward with the RE this month, I felt pressure to. There's your sign- I thought! So I interrupted the secretary at the RE's office, telling her I had just changed my mind. God did answer me. He told me "not this month." Maybe I didn't realize it by the way I was feeling because I wanted a definite sign, but that was the answer- not this month. On my way home that day, I was listening to our local Christian station KSBJ, and they had a snip-it about Moses and what God revealed to him. In Exodus 14:14 it states,"The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be still." The person on the other end of the radio simply stated- we AREN'T called to be STRONG; we are called to be OBEDIENT. That is all I needed to hear, to know that I am right where I need to be. I don't have to hold back my tears or feelings from my infertility; I can own those. After all I can be weak, as long as I am obedient in carrying my cross.
4 days ago