Falling into Domestics

Happy fall, y'all! I have been very productive this October. I am so happy that I have been! I gave up Diet Cokes for 3 weeks (I am back to 1 a day) I started going to the gym at 5:30 each morning with my dear mom for 30 minutes of cardio, I have been cooking all meals (we have only eaten out three times this month), I have been super domestic (cleaning, scrubbing, organizing, and yes, baking). This past Sunday, as I was watching one of my all time favs The Secret Life of Bees I decided to pull out the ingredients for a Pumpkin Cheesecake! Holy Cheesecake....to DIE for delish! After cooling and waiting VERY patiently for 5 hours while it was in the fridge, I doused a piece with caramel and cool whip with sprinkled cinnamon....falling into the rich, creamy, sweet, and cozy goodness.....needless to say, I will be making that for the Thanksgiving dessert table this year! So what else have we been up to...you guessed it....baby stuff. To keep it simple it is going really great this month! I am pleasantly surprised how smooth this month seems, how less stressed I am, and how positive too! Our Anniversary is coming up on November 18th...and I am hoping to go somewhere to get away! I would love to go to San Antonio for the weekend (it is so romantic there)! Oh yea, and I colored my hair a rich brown, with glazed highlights peeking through the bottom! I think fall is in full effect at Annie's house! I hope you are falling into something, and not too many pumpkin cheesecakes or anything (because New Year's Resolutions are right around the corner...like 10 weeks away!) Happy fall y'all! Click here for the pumpkin cheesecake recipe!

The Great Adventure Bible Study Contest Entry for a Trip with Jeff Cavins to the Holy Land

Hey everyone! My husband and I have a chance to win a trip, January 5th-18th 2012 with Jeff and Emily Cavins to the Holy Lands! Our video has to be submitted by tomorrow, has to have the most likes, views, and comments, and then will get placed in the top three! After that voters will have from october 31st - Nov. 14th to vote on Jeff Cavin's Great Adventure Bible Study web page! Winners announced November 18th ( OUR ANNIVERSARY-- what a great gift if we win, right?) Please help by sharing on your Facebook, Twitter, Blog, and viewing of course! I will keep you posted if we win! Thank you! xoxo Annie B

Confused Obedience

I have been praying in excess lately; so many signs have come my way. I was begging a few days ago for God to give me a sign. Show me which way to turn at this fork in the road of my fertility journey. I asked Cody the other day, "How do you know the difference between when God is answering you and what you want to hear from the voice that is speaking in the back of your head." He replied, "The more time you spend with the Lord, the more you will know His voice." So true, I thought...so true. I didn't necessarily HEAR a voice in adoration or while I was on my drive home, but I DID hear my answer. We got a call about our insurance flex card not coming in until October 11, while I was on the phone with the RE trying to figure out a way to finagle a plan to pay for our next cycle late, I thought- WHOA! Hold on, Annie- are you listening? If you ask, seek, and knock, He will answer. He did, I just didn't want to accept it. Even though I didn't really want to move forward with the RE this month, I felt pressure to. There's your sign- I thought! So I interrupted the secretary at the RE's office, telling her I had just changed my mind. God did answer me. He told me "not this month." Maybe I didn't realize it by the way I was feeling because I wanted a definite sign, but that was the answer- not this month. On my way home that day, I was listening to our local Christian station KSBJ, and they had a snip-it about Moses and what God revealed to him. In Exodus 14:14 it states,"The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be still." The person on the other end of the radio simply stated- we AREN'T called to be STRONG; we are called to be OBEDIENT. That is all I needed to hear, to know that I am right where I need to be. I don't have to hold back my tears or feelings from my infertility; I can own those. After all I can be weak, as long as I am obedient in carrying my cross.

Positively Negative

I got my beta back today- it was a a 2- yep A TWO. I am obviously not pregnant- my test was positively negative. Yes we knew this could be an outcome I have every right to be angry today. I am sorry if I hurt you, but I needed you all to know this. Tomorrow will be a better day and the anger will have subsided- and hopefully I will be positively positive as I have been for the past 2 years. I deleted the previous ugly post that was written I am sure that I pissed you all off- and I know it is wrong to get that angry- I guess I just needed my 30 minutes of venting. Sorry if I upset you. And thank you all for your love, prayers, AND ADVICE

Happy Birthday to ME

I'm 28. When I thought about being 28, 20 years ago, 15 years ago, and 10 years ago- all of my goals were the same. When I responded to journal topics at school they asked something like "What will your life be like in 10 (or so) years? I could paint you a picture. Someone who was married, a mom, a teacher, and someone who was successul! I think at 28 instead of saying "I haven't done anything with my life" JUST because I am not "a mom" doesn't mean I havent been a success (and believe me, I have said it). I am a loving wife who knows where anything is in the house on any given day-- and still married- I have actually sustained the first (almost) 5 years of marriage, I struggle to be patient from 7-4 at my crazy job, I actually have a degree that I worked my booty off for, I have purchased a home, have two dogs, pay my bills, and I am a young devout Catholic. I think I have been more successful than most on this blessed 28th birthday-- but I cant take the cake-- I give it to God. I give it to my husband, my friends, my family, my priest. With out all of those people I wouldnt be successful. So why do I sometimes STILL equate ULTIMATE success with being a mother? There are plenty of mothers out there who havent done 1/2 as much as me, yet I see them more successful? I think it is because it is the one thing I can't just acheive. It is the one thing that doesnt compute like 1+1=2. It is the one thing to me, above all worldly things/ideals that means success. Today, 28 years ago, my mother gave birth to me. 5 lbs 8 oz. A bundle of joy. She doesnt have a degree, or a million dollars, but she is a mom---and to me she is what I want to be, SHE is successful. Today I am 28. I feel older. I'm not "college age" and I'm not a "soccer mom"- I am something in-between. Today I am 28 and it feels good to be me.

Baby/Booze

Ladies, ladies, (and any gentlemen too) where have I been you ask? OH my goodness! I have been so busy this cycle. This was my first medicated cycle after 24 cycles of being off BC and 21 cycles of really trying that I took 5mg of Femara on CD 3-7 a 10000 unit trigger on CD 13 and mini trigger of 2500 units of hcg on CD 20 and multiple pokes and prods, ultrasounds, and appointments the last 27 days.

I don’t ever think I have been to the doctor as much as I went this month, which, might I add, is semi difficult when starting back for the school year! The good Lord above did bless me with calm and respectful 10th graders this year so that is good news. Other than that I am on CD 27---sitting and waiting like a kid for the school bus (you know what I'm talking about—any car that turns that corner, any bubble or cramp felt below) I'm going crazy!---We went to the RE yesterday, but to no avail, I still have to wait until CD 31 for my blood test. FOOEY- I know, but that is what’s going on this month. Good news for the month- one big follicle grew from 14 mm to 19 in 2 days, ovulation did occur, and my surgery in July was a success- no bleeding because that darned cyst is GONE! Metformin is being nice to me and I have remembered all meds every day, except last night when I accidentally fell asleep at 9:00 pm watching tv with hubster. Other good news this cycle is that My BIRTHDAY is Sunday! I am ready for my B-day weekend. Pregnant or not, here I come! I'm either celebrating with baby, or celebrating with booze. Hey either way, it’s a positive! (yea right...can you hear me lying to myself?) I want it so bad, (not the margarita, the baby…well ---ok the margarita and the baby but that isn’t possible either way) I'm tired of WAITING darn it! As of today I am waiting on my second progesterone test to come back. If it is high enough, no more mini doses, if not, back to that darn hcg shot of another 2500 units and we all get to wait until Thursday 9/15/11 for answers then. (In case you are wondering why I can’t just take the normal suppository progesterone, we aren’t getting into that convo here) but I can’t! Prayers and luck please- andI’ll keep you posted!

Exciting Updates Everyone

• "Wow" is how I am going to begin this post. Although I am internally speechless, I have news to shout from the mountain tops! I have been officially diagnosed with my PCOS and we have a TREATMENT PLAN! Long story short- it is very possible that we could be pregnant by the end of August (Metformin/Letrozol/Surgery/Luck). Okay okay! If you are like me, you want A.L.L. off the details! Here goes:
• After 20 months of planning our family unsuccessfully, we decided that we would seek more progressive methods and visit a fertility specialist. Thank goodness we did. I almost have been saying to myself, "If only I would have done this last year..." Dr. Schnell, from Houston, Texas- who also works out of an office close to our home, has been treating us. At our first appointment, we discussed our max options, looked over my horrible symptoms from the past few years, and planned out "our plan" to fix me. I did not think I could be fixed, I never dreamed of anyone figuring out exactly what was wrong with me, but she did. After our discussions, we did an ultrasound and a culture and we talked about what was going on "in there." She noticed that one of my ovaries was VERY high, however that wasn't the problem hindering us from babies. It was structural, but also, hormonal. She noticed a small polyp on my uterus. This was the cause for all of my bleeding the last year (and we are talking non-stop bleeding for months and months and months at a time)! She also noticed that my cervix was inflamed and we are getting that under control. But here is what really excited me- she noticed that I have two very large ovaries, one not dominate than the other, both filled with fabulous-ready-to-be-fertilized eggs, and lots of follicles! No blockages, no Endo, nothing else hindering us except a darn polyp and my hormones.
• Here is what is about to happen- On July 22, 2011, I am having out patient surgery so that Dr. Schnell can take out the cyst. ONE WEEK-- yea, I said it- ONE WEEK from my surgery date, we will go in for post op. appointment. She will then make sure I am fine, and give me medication to start my cycle and also put me on (2) 500 ER Metformin pills (to be taken from day 1 of cycle, until my I finish my first trimester) During cycle days 3-7 I will take Letrozole (INN, trade name Femara) 3x's a day. On about cycle day 12 we will go in for an HCG trigger shot to make sure that my body knows what to do....OVULATE! I haven't ovulated since January 31st, so this is exciting! On cycle days 14-16 we will make sure to be baby dancing (however I am not limiting it to just those days) because, really- what if I ovulate sooner/later, right! On Cycle day 21 we will check my levels, I think she said something about giving me a shot of progesterone or something like that. On day 28 we will go back in to her office for a pregnancy test, hoping and praying that if it is God's Will, we see TWO PINK LINES! If not, we will make decisions from there, as far as how many more medicated cycles, when will we do the next, etc... Our cycles are very pricey, along with the initial surgery cost, so we will see. If 2-3 medicated cycles do not work, we will not be seeking any other progressive methods. For now, I am okay with that.
• So as I laid on the medical table yesterday, I realized- I am at the end of this very long stressful and confusing journey, but I am about to start a new one. It will be stressful and long and confusing too, but it will be worth it in the end. Wish us luck and as always, your prayers are appreciated. xoxo annie