4 days ago
Be Patient...God's Timing is Always Perfect
So Saturday, I was again, home in a quiet house- nothing to do and guess who showed up? Remember my post about great aunt depression- yea...she came back. Y'all, it's like sometimes I just can't SHAKE IT OFF! I want to so bad, but I can't. Until you are in my shoes, you can't fathom what it is like. It seems that what I am going through, I would be used to by now, almost "over it" but I am not. Being infertile makes you constantly feel like you aren't good enough. It makes you evaluate and analyze every part of your life, not just your ovaries! It makes you re-look at who you are and what you have done with the life God has given you. It makes you bitter at the times that you don't want to be! I could tell you that so many times I have wanted to be truly happy and joyous in the past months, but I. Just. Couldn't. From my perspective, people seem to then not know what to do. It seems the more you struggle with infertility... the further and further people move away from you. Is it because they are tired of listening to you "whine"? Is it because they don't have time to help you because they actually have a life and things to do because they have children? I don't know. I really don't know. What I do know is, it's that infertility is an awkward and lonely disease. There are several angels in my life that have gone through this and are still going through this. They have really been there for me during this time. Last year, I thought I would never get to the point where certain things bothered me about being infertile, but now, they do. It's an uncontrollable life changing situation that I have to learn to be patient with. This weekend was depressing for me. After I went to confession and spent some time at adoration praying and praying, not for me, rather for others that I "envy" I left and went to visit my mom. There, she had a gift for me. Her very good friend, my second mother, "Ms. Carol" had brought a gift to me. The letter inside of the envelope was a story about her neighbor and her struggle with PCOS and infertility. She tried many years to get pregnant and to carry a baby to term. I do not know much, but I do know Ms. Carol was over visiting her NEW BORN! She got to talking and the neighbor shared her story of PCOS and her struggle. Ms. Carol shared mine. The lady left the room teary-eyed and brought back this: Her mother brought it for her during her struggle and she wore it daily to remind herself to "Be Patient. God's timing is always perfect". That is what is inscripted on the bracelet. She gave it to Ms. Carol to give to me! It was so special for me to get this after my hard day. I've been wearing it since and will continue to.