Sinking into PCOS

I am really frustrated right now. I want to write a blog post, yet I don't. I know it is the PCOS-weight, depression and infertility. Why do I have PCOS? I mean, for 25 years of my life I was in normal weight range-- is it because I gained weight that I now have it? No-- I just don't get it! How does it all of a sudden sneak up? I am frustrated today. I am tired today. I look at myself and don't know where exactly I have gone. For 25 years of my life I never thought it would be a problem to have a baby- really? A baby-- millions of people do it blindly and on a whim-- they wave a magic wand and POOF it happens. They don't even understand how their body works and they can make a baby. I, on the other hand have to know every detailed number of every level of blood work and exactly at what rate the ovary will release and egg minus the number of hours it takes for sperm to travel to my fallopian tubes and at that very moment in time not be doing something off the wall like Zumba. I mean....REALLY? I see plenty of 16 year-old children that make babies two and three times having sex "once." So put that atop of being overweight and frustrated and you get an overweight depressed non functional woman-- Heck yes it takes a lot for me not to go off people. Maybe it is that I am not depressed, but mad. I am mad, yes. When I try to breathe through it or let it go, the overwhelming feelings circle around again. The carb-y foods I eat are my army. They work for me to kill off any ill feelings of baby wanting and skinny dreams. PCOS is like a vicious cycle. want a baby---can't have a baby---eat---too fat---depressed--eat---depressed--want a baby-------OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. I feel like I have the shortest attention span at eating well. I get so frustrated sometimes that it sets me into a depression. Then I don't prepare for my work week (pack lunches, cook dinners, chores, etc) then I eat out and gain weight- I feel bad and know that if I take the one medication that is supposed to help all of this I will be very ill because I haven't been eating clean for at lest 7-14 days. So you see, it is a horrible cycle. I finally met my wall with somethings lately and it has really really been draining me. Sometimes you think you are really strong, but you aren't. When you find out that you aren't you just want to hide under a rock until you can brave the world again. I ask myself, do other PCOS sufferers find it challenging to remember to take their medications? Do they go through this same cycle of depression? If all I have to do is eat healthy, be prepared, and take a medication to help myself lose weight at a normal rate of speed (1.5-2.0 pounds/week) then why can't I do it. I am frustrated today. Thanks for understanding! Encouragement and advice always needed :)

Calorie Tracking

-Besides doing the detox, I am also tracking all calories on myfitnesspal. You will need to sign up, but it is totally free! G from work showed me all about it- and it totally rocks! All you do is put in what you weigh and how much you want to lose in a week (.5, 1, 1.5 or 2 lbs) according to your option, they will give you a calorie tracking plan! -It is really awesome because it works. I am supposed to lose 2 pounds a week, and this week I did! If you eat, you search the huge database and add your foods! If you exercise, you put in calories burned! You can either eat those calories, or not eat them! If you don’t eat them, you would lose even more weight! (Example: 45 minutes on the treadmill at 4.0 speed is 325 calories!) that is another .5 pound each week if you exercise 5xweek. It tells you each day, “If you eat like this every day, in 5 weeks, you will weigh ___)” that makes me happy to see! -What I like about it most, is that it monitors your intakes of carbs, protein, sugars, etc. So it’s not like WW points- I have 6 points left, let me eat a bag of M&Ms. When you look at Myfitnesspal you think “No, I already ate all of my carbs/ or I still need 6 protein” so you can see exactly what you should be eating. My Friend at work got me started. Many moments last week we asked—is it worth it? Is that candy bar that I HAD to have worth it? No, not when you are looking at that calorie workup! Its pretty awesome—check it out!

Sugar Detox

• By popular demand—everyone is asking about this sugar detox I tried after the holidays! If you want the full run down, check out this cook book: The Eat-Clean Diet, Stripped. I came across this cook book in the Woman’s World Magazine at the beginning of January. In the magazine, the writer gave a few meal plan options that one could go by if they didn’t have the book. From memory, here they are:

• Breakfast options:
• 3 egg whites, plain oatmeal, 1 small apple, almonds
• 3 egg whites, ½ cup of black beans, salsa
• Chocolate-banana shake (homemade recipe is in the magazine, but I use the packet from HEB near the veggie section) It makes 3 servings.

• Lunch options:
• 1- 4 oz Salmon, mixed veggies
• 2- 4 oz Chicken, mixed veggies
• 3- 4 oz Lean turkey patty, mixed veggies

• Dinner options:
• 1-Chicken breast, sweet potato, green veggie
• 2- Shrimp and whole grain pasta tossed with EVOO and zucchini
• 3- Turkey (you could make turkey spaghetti with whole grain pasta, turkey chili, or even taco soup) with any green veggie. No carby veggies like potatoes with the dinner option that has whole grain..
• Snacks (3 per day)
• 1- 1 apple and 12 plain almonds ( 1 get the 100 cal packs from emerald)
• 2- Cucumber and guacamole (some days I would substitute cucumbers for 12 whole grain tortilla chips)
• 3- Mixed fruit salad (sometimes I would substitute for ½ a naked fruit drink)
• 4- Celery and hummus

• Drinks :
• 6 to 8 glasses of water/day
• Unsweetened tea

• I suggest if you want to see more food options either get the book, or go to the store and get the Womans World Magazine from January 2012. You really could do any variation of a protein and vegetable for lunch and any variation of a protein, whole grain carb and vegetable for dinner. Sometimes, instead of a cucumber, I would add a serving of whole grain chips with my afternoon guacamole (just because I needed that extra crunch, and even though it was healthy, it made me feel like I was cheating a bit).
• The main goal is to abstain from all processed foods and sugars, especially aspartame! Aspartame (in diet coke and artificially sweetened items…EVEN LIGHT YOGURT) processes in your body as real sugar does. It starts to store as real sugar does and it is not good for you. You begin to crave more aspartame, more real sugar, and more carby foods when on it. Women with PCOS should steer clear of aspartame (as well as the white- carby food) and should have protein with every meal. I have decided that I would eat this way during the work week, and twice of on the weekends I could go out for a treat meal no holding back, and even have a diet coke. 2 diet cokes a week is NOTHING compared to the 5-6 I would have a day—sans water! Limit dairy to no more than 2 servings a day.
• You might think you could NEVER eat plain oatmeal; yes you can if you are hungry. You might think salad and chicken would never fill you up at lunch—on this plan, it does. You have to be willing to sacrifice something to get what you want. In the magazine, the writer calls this a 7 day detox. If you would like, you could do it for 28 days. After that, your body needs a fat day—to reset your metabolism. I have decided for me 80/20 works best --and that even comes from my RE. 80 percent of the time, I will eat this way, and 20 percent of the time I will have what I love! Best of luck to you!

New Year...New You

Good morning followers! I have been unusually busy this week. It was my first week back to work since the 2 week Mid Winter Break (we can’t say Christmas, you know). I decided that this year to try my hardest (with reason) to cure my PCOS. I decided that I am worth more than equating myself with a disease. I also follow PCOS Diva on her FB and webpage. She has some excellent tips with cooking, living, and planning around PCOS. I thoroughly enjoy reading her posts and ideas! One of her posts was about choosing a word(s) that would represent the new you in this New Year. The words I chose were calm, satisfied, and determined. I choose those words because I want to have a calm attitude in all adventures that come my way. I could yell and scream and complain and fuss, but instead I am going to try to see them as blessings. This would especially apply to my job (I SO need to be calmer in that whole situation) Secondly; I decided that this year, I am going to be satisfied with what I have. Instead of dreaming of babies and a bigger home and a smaller figure, I am just going to dive in and accept it. I don’t have children, so there are many trips and goals that I can still meet, that may be harder for others that have children. I have a tiny, quaint home and I am trying to not compare my belongings with those of others, so I am going to keep decorating it and enjoying it until we just don’t fit in it anymore. I am a size 16 and there has to be something beautiful about me, because my husband still tells me on a tri-daily basis that I am. I am not a mom, not wealthy, and not skinny. But I am me! This year I am going to take baby steps and along the way enjoy each rainy day! My last word for the year was determined! I am officially determined to (bite by bite) lose my comfort- my overweight-ness. When you are overweight, you find comfort and acceptance in that fat—it is yours. You don’t necessarily want it, but it is part of you. You have lived with it so long that even though you desperately want it off, in a weird way that is all you can accept yourself to be now. I don’t, by any means want to be that size—more like a 6, but it didn’t happen overnight and it is going to take longer than 2 months to get there. I have decided that I can’t be perfect all of the time, but most of the time I can do a good job! SO in 52 weeks, if I only lost one pound a week, I would meet my goal. I am not going to do extreme diets to lose weight, but I will take extreme measures to become healthy! I will cut out my aspartame intake in all foods and in Diet coke, but I will enjoy ONE or TWO in a week, not 5-6 in a day! I will cut out all eating out and heavily processed foods, unless it is a special occasion or holiday. I will cut out foods that feed my fertility disease, but I don’t mind enjoying them once a week, just to celebrate being me! Stay tuned to my next blog post where I will post the sugar detox plan and how you can make simple changes that will make you feel like the best version of yourself!