Old Books, New Books, Who Books? You Books!

I havent blogged in a while. I have been busy- but more importantly I haven't been paying attention. Usually I just "know" what I should write about, but for many weeks I have been in the dark. All of the feelings have been in my mind and in my soul, but I couldn't put anything into words. I have been running into the verse, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" Luke 11:9-10. I was doing all three- asking, seeking, and knocking. I was knocking so loudly that I couldn't hear the shouts from God. Everywhere I went he was answering my thoughts (God, should I do this, or that? What should I do- because I really dont want to have to go through all that work, Lord- cant you just help me!) He was helping me to see where i needed to be. So after a year of his signs, attempts, and shouts-- i finally listened. It was hard, but as his child i didnt understand, until I experienced it. He was right. He knew what I needed. In Psalm 40:1-2 it states "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." In order for me to have strength, I had to be broken. For when I was truly broken- I had cracks in my soul that allowed God's love to leak in. What I have been dealing with the most is finding strength in a broken soul. This is a new spirit- a spirit that I didn’t know and still don’t know. "I dont trust this person...I hardly know her,” I would say in my head. But really, I didnt want to get to know her. So I started my journey. Everytime I thought a negative thought about this new person, I countered it with a positive thought. This helped somewhat- but there was one small problem--I didn’t TRULY believe the positive thought. Here is an example: If your name is A----- all your life and one day someone starts calling you a different name, you wouldn’t answer to that new name because you wouldn’t associate yourself with that name. I haven’t had to learn a new name, but a new way of living. God has recently “connected the dots” for me on my trip to finding out who this new person is. I understand the who, what, when, where, why, but I dont understand HOW to live with -OOPS- sorry I had a negative thought- I dont understand HOW to find the strenght to love this NEW, updated and revised, copyright 1983 addition of my soul! I still am attached to the orginally published 1983 soul. As I am writing this today, how odd it is that i am sitting in a library. a library of books that are EVER CHANGING. New ones come in, old ones move out, and every year new additions of books are released with updates. I have realized that even though new additions of books are always happening- no two books are alike, and nothing is like the orginal copy of your favorite book! I might be worn, torn, my "spine" broken (yes pun intended)but I am me. No one is like me. My life will be revised and updated every year- and I have to find positives in those revisions. Sometimes revisions make us mad, or sad, or confused but know this: the road to recovery after a life changing event is life long. Today, I came across this special verse that I hold close to my heart. It is in 1 Cor. 10:13..."God is faithful and he will not let go through things beyond your strength, but will provide a way out , so that you may be able to bear it." Two years ago this verse was put infront of me- as sign from God- that I would know everything would be "okay." Is it? YES....but that doesn’t mean I am heald. Im okay, I surrived- I have good days and bad days, but I am forever broken. Remember a broken soul is broken, so that God's love and passion and slip in, fill the cracks, and then shine though so that others can see HIS love in you. A worn book is still a GOOD book, but a revised addition that is crisp and new can put a smile on your face too, you just have to get the feel for the new cover, the new paper, the new look-- the new addition. After all, it still has the same meaning. Love yourself, broken or new.

The Very Hungry, and Accepting... Caterpillar

You might be thinking..."Oh yeah- I remember reading that book in Kindergarten" but I didn't know that the word accepting was in the title?" It wasn't, it isn't, and it will never be- but that is what the children's book is about-the caterpillar ACCEPTING his change. The definitions of acceptance are "the act of taking or receiving something offered/ favorable reception; approval; favor./the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory./the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable." The caterpillar accepted his change, and in the end became something more beautiful than he could imagine. The caterpillar did something very important--he RECEIVED his new change. He approved of it, but most importantly he believed in the change. When we have pain/struggle/newness/and confusion in our lives we have to act as the Caterpillar- we must receive- or take hold, approve- or be okay with, and believe- or trust, that God will carry us through this incomprehensible time of metamorphosis. God doesn't hurt his children, but I believe he changes them. He wants you to be the BEST version of yourself. The best version of the caterpillar...was a butterfly. The best version of yourself might be scary- but when we receive, approve, and believe in things that we cannot comprehend, the best version of our self can shine though- letting others see our inner beauty. While reading, The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis, he explores the idea that we, as God's children, have to be submissive to him "For we are only creatures: our role must be that of patient to agent, female to male, mirror to light, echo to voice. Our highest activity must be of response, not initiative. To experience God in true and not illusionary form, is therefore to experience it as our surrender to His demand, our conformity to His desire: to experience in the opposite way is, as it were, a solecism against the grammar of being." Acceptance is the hardest part of overcoming our problems. Sometimes we can "trick" ourselves into thinking that we have accepted life changes- but again until we receive, approve, and believe, cannot. We might eat our way through life, like the caterpillar, because we don't want to receive the incomprehensible, or maybe we keep seeking other things to fill us up, like the caterpillar- whatever it is we are doing is holding us back from the metamorphosis God has in store for us. In Romans 12:1 it states “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world but, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Think about this: what have you not accepted in your life- what have you had problems taking hold of, being okay with, or trusting in that hold you back from becoming the BEST version of yourself?

The "F" Word...I'm Working On It!

The "F" word- yes- I said it... the "F" word! It is hard to do-- a must for everyone.... so get ready- I have begun the journey of working on the "F" word.... “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” Lewis B. Smedes. That's right, the "F" word I am working on is....FORGIVENESS! When things happen to us, immediately we hear- Forgive, Forgive! We might pray about it; it might take us a long time to forgive, or some of us even say "I'll never forgive him/her." Maybe you are past that point on your journey. Maybe you have forgiven others in your life and you thought you were moving on. But then, you woke up today still questioning the constants in your life and you realized you were the prisoner! Those constants in your life are still getting to you because you forgot to forgive to MOST important person....YOU! We can control one person in our lives...ourselves. When we realize this- we can let go(easier said than done, right?) OK- we can BEGIN letting go ...we can even forgive ourselves for things in the past, even for our past "idea" of ourselves and our standards. When you have a picture in your mind and that picture gets ruined...for whatever reason....where do you start, how do you learn to love the new picture that you see- the one you are convinced is tainted? You start with forgiveness, acceptance, and looking for the good. We are all on a journey- and we know that as we write our plans in pencil, God is watching us, and then erases them! When we can forgive ourselves, the GOOD starts to outweigh the BAD. That tainted picture in our mind becomes a total picture we can accept. In my life, I am working on the "F" word. After years of forgiving others for my struggles, I have realized that I have been the one in jail...I was held hostage by that overlooked "F" word! So now my journey begins. Today I am free. Today, think of one thing that is positive about the NEW person you have become...start working on forgiving yourself and then start chiseling away!

Diet Coke, I have taken you out of my living will...

Yes, that's right folks- reach for your tissues...Bon Voyage Diet Coke. Let us all pause for a moment of silence ........................................................................................................................................................................................................ Why would anyone deliberately get rid of Diet Coke in their lives (other than my husband who swears that is just a form of poison)? Well, it was my sanity, however if you want to have a healthy baby, lose weight, get healthy, have more energy, or feel less bloated in your life...then get rid of that darn Diet Coke! I grew up on Diet Coke, so I have been drinking it for years! I still remember as if it were yesterday, my mother drinking a chilled can of Diet Coke for breakfast as she sat and read the paper. IT IS ALL HER FAULT! I picked up that bad habit when I was in high school- and it has been a HECK of habit to break! Let's just say for MANY years I have been trying off and on to break the Diet Coke habit. Finally, this week I have decided once and for all--I AM GOING TO STAND UP TO DIET COKE! He is NOT going to control my mornings, my lunch time, and my evening drinks with my other friend Malibu..... HE JUST ISN'T! I gave up Diet Cokes and have resorted to unsweetened teas and water. Shockingly, the THING that I thought was making my day better every morning, was actually making me feel worse...THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE-- I said it... I have cheated on my soul mate DIET COKE and left him for my lighter partner, unsweetened tea and you know what... I am happy about it (don't hurt me!!! lol) Anyways, just updating everyone on my life change and wanted you all to know that now, I will not need a Diet Coke IV in my last days; I am taking it out of my living will! SIANARA SACCHARIN.

All Dogs go to Heaven...

Boston Terriers are crazy, wild, sensitive, funny-looking, nosy, snoring little dogs! Cody and I have had Duke for almost six years...but for some reason, he is still my baby. When he was three, we decided to get him a friend, at least we thought this would stop his breaking out of hard plastic kennels, chewing up couch cushions, and eating trash...(I guess he had separation anxiety)! So, after we got married, Cody decided it was time to get another...and that is what we did- we bought Katie girl...she was a princess (her name was princess when we bought her from this little podunk town a few miles away) she was merely eight weeks old, but still the tiniest Boston Terrier I had ever seen! She was the runt, kept inside (in a pack-n-play) and bottle fed. She was so darn cute...crooked teeth and all! She later became a mommy- by accident of course, and we loved those puppies. Two years later, at three years old, just a few months ago...she got sick. She passed away, and still to this day I miss those crooked teeth, that little tail, and her little jelly-bean shaped body curled up on the couch. She wasn't allowed on the couch, but I remember telling my husband, "But daddy...she is a baby...she can do that!" He always said- "You are going to let our kids get away with EVERYTHING!" It brings tears to my eyes when I think about how on Saturday mornings she would nest up in my hair at the top of the bed and lay on the same pillow as me- or how if I said, "Katie- attack your father...tell him who's boss, tell him you and mommy are in charge!" She would immediately bark and run him out of the room, EVERY TIME! Needless to say, it has only been a month, and we still miss her--Duke too. He has reverted to his old ways of nosy-ness, digging in the trash can, sleeping on the couch, eating through the baby gate in the laundry room...just to be free. When we had Katie, he would sleep back there all day with her- they wouldn't make any messes or break out...but now, since she is gone, he is only content laying on the couch watching the cars go by in the summer sun. I love my dogs- so does my friend's little boy- E... when he visits us, and Duke is bothering him, he always says, "No....DUTE!!!!!"--he cannot say Duke, then abruptly he says... "No Katie!" and asks, where Katie??? I tell him, she is in heaven with all the doggies.

Duke, playing with cody- his favorite color is purple

Duke, taking an afternoon nap...

Katie girl- just cozy... we miss you princess.

Chic Retreat Bedroom Makeover...

Ok, Okay- I know, but after spring break, we have state testing and I have been a busy teacher these last few weeks...plus some sad news, my boston terrier, Katie, passed. I havent felt like blogging but I did finally feel like "doing" some tranforming, distressing, and redecorating! I had the help of my sisters A Lang and K Satsky and while our husbands where out serving on an ACTS retreat and serving the country... we secretly transformed my master bedroom! I call it country-chic! ------------------------------------------ My first boston baby, Duke- insisting that he be in the photos that auntie ang took the dresser before: not that chic... first we sanded, stained (Minwax Provential 211) and primed, primer had a hint of grey so that white wouldn't bleed through: then we did two coats- in Rapture Blue by Sherwin Williams, and distressed the edges after it dried. We went over the entire dresser with a Ralph Lauren mocha colored glaze: We painted the bedroom in "Wicker Basket" by Olympic, found at Lowes. We layerd a couple of coats because of those deeply textured walls...UHHH I thought we woudld never get it coverd! A beautiful chic retreat for only 90.00! It cant get more delicious thant that! I do have drop cloth curtains to add too, I am just waiting on my curtain rods!

The Toppling To Do List...

OH EM GEE! I cannot wait until this weekend! My official 2010 Spring Break starts! I have a major to-do list though...and I am pumped up about all my "shabby chic projects"! I love making lists (it's executing the list that's the problem!) OH-Key-Doo-Key here it is:

1. paint my porch floor (Whipped Apricot- which is a yellow-y cream) and door (it's called hanging vine- a deep teal) I cannot wait to make my grey cottage more cottage-y!

2. find a cute table for my porch and spray it white

3. paint my antique dresser - color, TBA?

4. paint my bedroom chocolate brown and accessorize with all things white

5. work in my flower beds Hopefully I can get these projects completed- with the help of a good sister (A Lang) elle-oh-elle!SPRING HAS SPRUNG IN GG's HOUSE!

Endless days of Exercising...

It's march...my theme this month was "MARCH into fitness" the problem is...well, that I am no more fit today than I was on March 1st!? My endless days of exercising consist of 5days of cardio and 3 days of 1 hour weight training...so why do I look the same? So many people can drop 15-20 pounds in one month...NOT ME! It doesnt matter what I eat it literally sticks to my body- I can weigh in the morning and after breakfast I'm two pounds more! It is frustrating to spend hundreds of dollars in training with out results. So my "March in to fitness" theme for the month has NOT been successful! It was more like "MARCH into frustration" for me!!! What was your theme this month? MARCH into _______________? Were you successful? Have a fab day!