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Old Books, New Books, Who Books? You Books!

I havent blogged in a while. I have been busy- but more importantly I haven't been paying attention. Usually I just "know" what I should write about, but for many weeks I have been in the dark. All of the feelings have been in my mind and in my soul, but I couldn't put anything into words. I have been running into the verse, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened" Luke 11:9-10. I was doing all three- asking, seeking, and knocking. I was knocking so loudly that I couldn't hear the shouts from God. Everywhere I went he was answering my thoughts (God, should I do this, or that? What should I do- because I really dont want to have to go through all that work, Lord- cant you just help me!) He was helping me to see where i needed to be. So after a year of his signs, attempts, and shouts-- i finally listened. It was hard, but as his child i didnt understand, until I experienced it. He was right. He knew what I needed. In Psalm 40:1-2 it states "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." In order for me to have strength, I had to be broken. For when I was truly broken- I had cracks in my soul that allowed God's love to leak in. What I have been dealing with the most is finding strength in a broken soul. This is a new spirit- a spirit that I didn’t know and still don’t know. "I dont trust this person...I hardly know her,” I would say in my head. But really, I didnt want to get to know her. So I started my journey. Everytime I thought a negative thought about this new person, I countered it with a positive thought. This helped somewhat- but there was one small problem--I didn’t TRULY believe the positive thought. Here is an example: If your name is A----- all your life and one day someone starts calling you a different name, you wouldn’t answer to that new name because you wouldn’t associate yourself with that name. I haven’t had to learn a new name, but a new way of living. God has recently “connected the dots” for me on my trip to finding out who this new person is. I understand the who, what, when, where, why, but I dont understand HOW to live with -OOPS- sorry I had a negative thought- I dont understand HOW to find the strenght to love this NEW, updated and revised, copyright 1983 addition of my soul! I still am attached to the orginally published 1983 soul. As I am writing this today, how odd it is that i am sitting in a library. a library of books that are EVER CHANGING. New ones come in, old ones move out, and every year new additions of books are released with updates. I have realized that even though new additions of books are always happening- no two books are alike, and nothing is like the orginal copy of your favorite book! I might be worn, torn, my "spine" broken (yes pun intended)but I am me. No one is like me. My life will be revised and updated every year- and I have to find positives in those revisions. Sometimes revisions make us mad, or sad, or confused but know this: the road to recovery after a life changing event is life long. Today, I came across this special verse that I hold close to my heart. It is in 1 Cor. 10:13..."God is faithful and he will not let go through things beyond your strength, but will provide a way out , so that you may be able to bear it." Two years ago this verse was put infront of me- as sign from God- that I would know everything would be "okay." Is it? YES....but that doesn’t mean I am heald. Im okay, I surrived- I have good days and bad days, but I am forever broken. Remember a broken soul is broken, so that God's love and passion and slip in, fill the cracks, and then shine though so that others can see HIS love in you. A worn book is still a GOOD book, but a revised addition that is crisp and new can put a smile on your face too, you just have to get the feel for the new cover, the new paper, the new look-- the new addition. After all, it still has the same meaning. Love yourself, broken or new.


  1. WOW! This si really deep!You sumed it up and it is your story and its GREAT!!! All I can say is wow!!!

  2. Thanks Annie B!!!!! I REALLY needed to read that today!!! And I understand the message.