My Great Aunt Died

-So, it's raining today here in Texas! I like the idea of rainy days, but I really do not enjoy getting out in the rain- especially when you mix any percentage of humidity with with rain! I like rainy days if I can stay in my "sleepy pants" (my pj's) (my jammies) (my comfy clothes) or whatever you call 'em! Today, fortunately, I get to- kind of- we have a "teacher workday" why? Who the HECK knows--- no one is actually "working" nor am I (shhh....I'm sneaking in a blog post....). Today I decided to wear my velour pants and jacket because I just wanted to be coZy, and I am cozy.

-So far, January hasn't been too unproductive- I attempted "The Daniel Fast" which made me feel great, I continued going to counseling, I opened my heart to a new friendship, I got more organized, I cleaned house more, I lost a few pounds- and the good thing is- January is OVER! I still have time to get back on track! I kinda got off of my "eating clean" plan, and "going to the gym" thing I was doing after Thanksgiving, but the good news is- I am okay!

-It is so weird how eating and the weather are VERY connected to my depression. 1 week after eating junk, I started to ALMOST slip back into that helpless state- after my 2 hour pity party on Friday, I was okay. In my private writings, I have compared "depression" to a person: "Great-Aunt Depression." You see, depression is like that distant relative that shows up on your doorstep, unexpectedly, unannounced, yet works her way into your life. She annoys your friends and family, she 'butts' in to everything your are interested in, she is very rude, she is extremely bitter, and to top it off- she 'wears out her welcome' I mean, she can't even figure out WHEN TO GO BACK HOME, and obviously, she enjoys making your life a living Hell! So, after not asking if she could even stay the night, her night turns into a week, a month, a year, a few years; you find yourself in guilt by not pushing her out, after all she is YOUR relative! The only way out, is if she dies! And when she does you realize how many people aren't your friends anymore because of her, you realize how your relationships have changed because of her, and you realize how you, in a way, have become her- bitter and sad. But it only takes a few days to change- because once she is gone- you slowly start to realize that you hate her and you never want to be like her! Depression is like that for me: a distant relative.

-So, after three years, my "Great Aunt Depression" died. I woke up and realized. And when I realized that most all the people I thought were my friends, found better things to do, better people to call, more fabulous people to have over on the weekends, funnier people to go to dinner with, happier people to entertain- then I had to accept that. The happy loss, is Great Aunt Depression, the sad loss is the loss of the people you really thought were your friends but were tired of your intruder- so decided it would be best to leave.

-Most days I am okay. Some days I am regretful. Few days I am lonely. Hardly any days do I feel depressed. I know I am making progress. I saw a quote about progress today that I liked. "Progress isn't accomplishing one big journey; the journey to success is made up of a series of steps, some of which allow you to make progress and others that allow you to learn important lessons you need." I can see the sun, but it's parly behind the clouds- I just have to be patient.

Daniel Fast Food Ideas

okay ladies, I attemtpted "The Daniel Fast." If you haven't heard of it, it is a biblical fast. I think I came across it on one of my PCOS sites or maybe it was on the radio (I listen to Christian Music- and someone was talking about it) okay, so yes- I attemped the Daniel Fast. You can do a 10 or 21 day commitment. I got to 14 days (hey, but that is better than I THOUGHT I would have done!) SO yes, here is the run down of what you can eat: 1. All fruits 2. All Veggies 3. Whole grains 4. Oats/Seeds 5. Water Water Water NOTHING else to drink, no tea, no juice, no soda--NOTHING! And here.... are the "No-No" items: 1. No sugar 2. No artifical sweetners 3. No dairy 4. No white breads 5. No Caffeine 6. No Meat 7. No processed foods, or foods with un-pronouncable chemicals

St. Jerome states, "When the stomache is full, it is easy to talk of fasting." HECK YEA it is! On January 2 when you are sick to your tummy from all the holiday binging..all you can think about is fasting. So, Cody and I started Monday, January 3- It was painful, but in a good way! After the first week, we actually felt GOOD! After the second week, we felt GREAT. Then temptation set in. I blew it. I had a diet coke after 14 days. I was SO let down. I really need to get back on the "bandwagon" and start up again, we have been off 3 days. I know that doesnt seem like alot, but hey, eating the "Daniel Fast" way and taking my Metformin, was leaving me with NO side effects. When I started eating processed foods and sugar again, I started to get tummy aches and nausea with my new meds. So, looks like I am going to the store TONIGHT, and fasting until February 3, which is the begining day of my weekend church retreat. That means 14 days on, break, then another 14 days. In that 14 day period I need to come up with a plan that allows me to incorporate MOST of the "Daniel Fast" eating plan with other healthy foods like dairy (especially for fertility) lean meats, and unsweetened iced tea- for my caffiene. I just want you all to know, that I did not have ONE caffiene headache and I pretty much bleed diet coke; when I got off cold-turkey that Monday of the fast, I prepared to have lots of headaches, but I actually felt better than before and never suffered (that's a God thing)! Also, with the Daniel fast, I did not lose any weight (that is a PCOS thing), but I did start taking my Metformin days 12, 13, and 14 of the fast and when I weighed in last saturday, I lost 3 pounds. For some of you that's easy, but for me and my PCOS sisters, that is massively hard! 3 pounds for someone with PCOS is like working off 10 pounds for a normal person! So, yea- bummed that I got off, but hey, I am human...I am getting back on track TOMORROW! Oh, and I wanted to give my peeps some food ideas as well (for all the Daniel Fast-ers out there) this is what Cody and I ate:

*****Breakfast ideas: 1.plain instant oatmeal, with raisins and apples 2. all natural, sugar free apple sauce 3. fruit 4. low carb tortilla with a tiny amount of all natural peanut butter in it (Skippy Cruchy All Natual is my favorive)- 3 sugars, but if you use 1 Tblsp instead of the two, you only get about 1.5 sugars- that is really as "natural" as you can get, and still taste good! 5. Gluten free, sugar free (sweetened with fruit juice) blueberry waffles- frozen in the gluten free section of the grocery store, "Vans Natural Foods"-- yummy fresh out of the oven topped with smart balance "butter" 6. all natural Raspberry fig bars (our grocery store, HEB, has an entire section of granola and other cool products like dried fruit and natural stuff) it is like going to the candy store, but for health foodies...you get a bag, reach in grab items, weigh and label... over in that section, are these Raspberry Fig bars and other trail mixes. 7. Granola (love the blueberry and the orange/almond-- at HEB too!

***** Lunch Ideas: 1. Amy's Frozen Organic whole wheat bean and rice burrito with salsa 2. Amy's Organic Black Bean Enchilada, with corn and rice and salsa 3. Salad (I used a clear dressing- you are supposed to make your own with oil and vinegar, but i used a clear, low fat dressing, and the sugars were only at 2-3 because I didn't use alot of dressing) 4. Whole Wheat Pita packed with veggies and soy cheese 5. Healthy Choice Mixers (the pasta mixer with the red marinara sauce and no meat) it is called (Zesty Rotini Ithink, it will be in the grocery story around all the other rice/pasta items totally great and has LOTS of fiber to keep you full) 6. Leftovers from dinner the night before

7. Soup

***** Dinner ideas: 1. Pita pizza (OUR FAVORITE!) get a whole wheat pita, spread a little warmed, Smart balance butter and garlic on it" broil) then take it out of the oven, use some left over pasta sauce or get a low sugar pizza sauce, spread. Top with Soy mozzarella cheese and tons of veggies. Place it back in the oven for about 5 minutes on high (450) and then I always broil the last 2 minutes because I like the "cheese" brown" 2. Boca burger patties, plain no bun, with sides 3. Quinoa chicken (veggie and soy chicken nuggets) 4. Quinoa Turkey loaf (veggie, but the texture is REALLY like turkey! 5. Veggie smart ground beef, chicken cutlets, 6. Morning Star Chicken patties, with a baked potato and some other veggies 7. A crockpot of beans (15 bean soup/ pintos or white northerns are my fav) 8. Vegetable Soup

9. Salad

10. Nachos, with whole grain corn chips, beans, soy cheese, guacamole, and salsa

*****Snacks: 1. Applesauce 2. carrots and clear/light dressing 3. banana with a tiny smear of pb 4. melba toast with salsa 5. Almonds/Seeds 6. trail mix (love one from HEB with coconut, dried cranberries, and nuts) mmm- that is my movie mix! 7. Fig bar 8. Cherrie tomatoes with salt and pepper 9. Guacamole and light whole grain chips 10. Popcorn! love the smart bags I hope this helps all my Fast-ers, and if you don't think you can do it, try it for 10 days, you will feel wonderful. oh, PS-- let me know how you do, if you decide to try it!

PCO-MesS

Well...well, the "cat's out of the bag"--no pun intended! My PCOS diagnosis has been definitely confirmed. If I knew then, what I know now- all of my worries, weight gain, and workouts could have been "fixed". Let me take you down this messy road with a time line:

1. 2000- put on BC for not having a period/

2.2003-rapid weight gain, from 118-135 pounds- thyroid checked = normal tests/

3.2004 Joined WW, unsuccessful /

4. 2005-rapid weigh gain from 135-150 taking lots of college hours, got engaged /

5. 2006-got married, lost about 5 pounds, but had to work out all year and eat perfectly /

6. 2007- rapid weight gain, 150-165- thyroid checked again= normal tests/

7. 2008- lost about 10 pounds, going to the gym twice a day and eating only salads /

8. 2008- depression sets in (job related) rapid weigh gain from 155-170/

9. 2009- new job, new stress trying for a baby, got off BC and cant stop gaining weight, 170-180/

10. 2010- gained even more weight- now at 190, TTC for 9 months at this point, when I got off BC my periods went to a normal state, then in July, they stopped. Pregnancy test- negative after 60 days late. After months of not having a cycle, then starting in October, my body could not stop I had a period for about 65 days straight. I continued to go to the doctor for testing but they couldn't "find" anything, and well, at this point I was tired of paying Co-pays for "normalcy" /

11. Dec- 2010- 15 months of TTC, unsuccessful- testosterone testing.

Okay, so, you are all up-to-date! After this LONG journey of weight gain, depression, and overcoming depression, counseling, and TTC- (however not as long as some of you have been) I FINALLY have answers! I am so happy. In December, the doctor took one look at me and said, "I think you have PCOS." when she said it, everything clicked. Everything that happened to me in the last 10 years, made sense. For the next 3 weeks, I put my fingers to work on my iPhone and on the computer. I was glued to reading Internet responses and questions about PCOS; I then ventured to YouTube, where I discovered my hope. "akgirl26" a.k.a- http://pcosmom29.blogspot.com/ WOW, answers. I was "addicted" to her videos. It seemed like what she was vloging about, I needed answers to! She was successful in a pregnancy after Clomid and Metformin, after years of infertility- so I had hope--Brandi-- Thank YOU so much for your story, you have helped me and kept me positive for the last month. After some research, I started praying that my doctor wouldn't just put me on Clomid to get pregnant and make me happy, but that she would put me on Metformin first, so I could finally lose weight, feel better, and actually ovulate-- and possibly get pregnant on my own, since 2010 was an "ovulation hiatus year for me! Okay, back to the story--I had the Testosterone Testing done at my OB/GYN, it came back 3 weeks later when hubby's testing came back. Testosterone was elevated- the doctor called, and decided to put me on METFORMIN! I took a sigh of relief. I could breath, I could conquer the world, I could actually believe that one day- I too, could have a baby in my belly. I started the Metformin tonight, so far, so good. I had actually been fasting for the last 13 days- I was doing a "Daniel fast" cleansing my body for the new year, in HOPES to lose weight. Even with eating only fruits, veggies, brown grains, no sugar, no art. sugar, no caffeine, no white starchy carbohydrates, and only water for 21 days, I DIDN'T LOSE A POUND. I was overwhelmed with content when she put me on Metformin- i just thought for a moment, that THIS DRUG could help me get down to a normal range, it will help me ovulate, it will help me not have acne, it will help my little bald spots on my head, it will help me! I know this has been a L O N G update, but I just wanted to share that my PCO-mesS is now, just PCOS.