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Dear Love,

8 years ago today it wasn't this cold out, but it was a beautiful fall day full of sunshine. 

I walked down the aisle to the sound of trumpets; it was gorgeous. At the end of my journey, you were there waiting for me with a half-smile-half teary-eyed look. 

Today marks 8 years as your wifey.  That's so weird to me- mainly because after 8 years of marriage and 15 years together, it's still just "us." I never it thought it would still be just me and you babe, but I'm so thankful it has been all these years. 

This year we decided to buy a mutual gift for our anniversary; probably an iPad or maybe a trip over the Christmas break- we aren't sure yet, but one thing I know for sure is how much a gift you've been to me babe. 

You've loved me when we first met 
And after 15 years 

You've loved me when I was unhealthy

And medium

You've loved me when I was thin

You've loved me as a young man

And you love me now as a grown 

You've loved me when I'm fancy 

And you've loved me when I'm down

You've loved me when I felt unloveable

And when when I feel unstoppable 

You loved me no matter my decisions 

And when I couldn't make one (especially about where to eat dinner) 

You loved me when we lived in our hometown 

And when we moved far away

You loved me when we tried for a baby 

And when I gave it up

You loved me through pain and heartache 

And you've loved me through tough love

You have loved me all these years and no matter what's going on, on the outside the one thing that's remained the same 

is how you look at WE and I see how wonderfully lucky I really am- if it is just you and me. 

I love you...


Full of Yesterday

This is where I have been for a while. I've been stuck in "yesterday"-- and I know all about getting out of yesterday, but for a while I haven't had the energy but to only take 1 foot out while the other is still in. 

Yesterday represents the past and the past can be full of happiness or pain, depending upon what glasses we use to look back. We are either yearning for yesterday or mourning in it. Why?

Yesterday is a place for all of us that hurts more that it actually does, and seems way more fun than we actually had in the very moment. 

My yesterdays are full of a myriad of things. Some I can't share because they still sting, and others I wish you could see from my very own green eyes. 

The scariest part of living in the yesterday, is that it's over. But that's also the most beautiful part. Whatever happened, caused us pain, stung, was uncomfortable, makes us tear in the present, makes us depressed, lonely, not motivated, feel stuck, reclused-- it's all contained in "yesterday."

When I look back on yesterday, I bottle the yesterdays in. They eat at my soul. They make me bitter, sad, and feel that I have to overcompensate in other areas in my life. I feel pulled. I want to share my yesterday's pain, but from fear, I keep it close-- don't we all. To bring one into a raw, personal moment can be scary- what if the world isn't ready to read about pain- most only want to hear and talk about joy. But for some of us, we just can't take the other foot out of yesterday. 

Yesterday can also be a longing or yearning for us. We all have moments in our lives that are so special, so beautiful, we share them with others so they can have a piece of our yesterday. Moments we want to re-live, re-love, re-create. Moments we can't wait to share with our friends and family- the people that love us most. So why are we afraid to share our hurt? 

This week, I'm going to be working on moving on from my yesterdays.... the painful ones and the positive ones. I'm going to try to really live presently. I may need to take a hiatus from social media, step away from distractions and find my way. I may need a day off of work, or a moment of relaxation to myself. I haven't figured out yet what I plan on doing. It's important that we take time to live now. 

We have to make the choice to wrap up yesterday, tie it with a bow, and send it upon it's way. For, if we continue to live in yesterday, we will be missing all the beauty around us today.