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P.O.R.N. Militia

My husband writes a blog over at P.O.R.N. Militia and asked me to guest write! Check out my post here




Happy Blessed Sunday everyone! I woke up sleepy, made eggs and bacon and coffee for my hubby and thought today was going to be productive, and out of no where, there was a knock at the door. It was my depression.

As I laid in bed and held back tears while hubby was home, I couldn't hide it much longer. I always hate when he asks me "what's wrong?"  because I know, I just don't feel like acknowledging it by speaking it. As I laid in bed and wished for the things I didn't have and thought about how I've failed at many things, Cody walked in and consoled me.

On his way out the door, he kicked out my depression, and I laced up my new running shoes that I got for my 29th birthday! I put on my running clothes, got my ear buds and my ipod arm band, and I was DETERMINED to accomplish what I had been fearing for days (Week 5 workout 3, a 20 minute straight run), so much so that I kept repeating week 5, day 2 workout! Eek! Now, to your avg. runner, that is no biggie, but for someone who is not yet a distinguished runner, 20 minutes is a LONG time to run without stopping. I have been attempting C25K since April, yep, since April, but hey, at least I am doing it, even with all of my excuses! I have weeks 6, 7, and 8 left for training and in 8 weeks, I am running my first (but not last) race! Here is my DETERMINED pic BEFORE my accomplishment:

I beat my fear of the 20 minutes today; I beat my depression this morning. In the past, I was in therapy, and because of that, I can now successfully deal with my problems and depression. I know how to tackle it first hand. Now, some days do I want to? NO! Sometimes I want to be useless and cry and eat all day, but it only makes it harder in the long run. It isn't that I am FAKE because I can move past it, it is that I am REAL and that I have a GOD so wonderful, that he loves ME because I FAIL. He loves me because I forgive, he loves me because I am giving, and he loves me because I am overweight. He loves me (period). He loves me so much that he gives me the smile on my face and the strength to keep hitting my foot on the pavement.

Today, I won and I am so very proud of me! Now I know that I can run two miles straight, can I run three? YOU BET. Because in Matt. 17:20 it states, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

C25K do's

  • get fitted for running shoes
  • buy running clothes that don't ride up
  • listen to music that calms your breathing pattern, the longer you can stay calm, the longer you can run.
  • Eat a pre run snack: my favs are a bagel with peanut butter or 1/2 turkey sammie
  • run outside as much as possible because that is where you will be running your race, not on a treadmill
  • repeat workouts as necessary before moving on to the next C25K challenge
  • get a C25K app on your phone- it will tell you when to walk and when to run. It plays in the background so you can listen to music still.
C25K don'ts:
  • don't eat junk like I did, it makes it so hard to run in the afternoons!
  • don't run in random shoes like I did, because your feet are not secure
  • don't skip having water all day and expect to run successfully- I love me some DIET COKE:/ 
  • don't skip workouts or whole weeks at a time without repeating some workouts again
  • don't run everyday until you think you can handle it
  • don't expect to keep up the pace with your husband, you have shorter legs!
  • don't give up.
Here I am AFTER my run! Whew! I rocked it!

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
-Hebrews 12:11-13


Happy 29th to Me

Today is my birthday! I made it to 29 years of age! Sometimes I think, I can't believe I am 29, when I was 15 I thought at that age one was old or established. Today's journal in my classroom is: "What do you think your life will be like 10 years from now." I love hearing all of my students' dreams and goals; it always brings me back to 19 and thinking where I would be at this 29th year! I have to say though, that even since last year's birthday post  (click here to read) that I have come a very long way. In the last year I have:

  • completed and failed several fertility treatments
  • grown closer to my husband
  • lost some weight
  • started running
  • changed from regular foods to more organic
  • bought a keurig
  • moved from a small town to a city
  • sold a ton of stuff that I never use
  • celebrated birthdays of the many babies God has placed in my life
  • had my God children, M____ and D ____ spend the night and successfully made it through mass with both of them
  • Became a new Godmother to baby K____
  • spent mother's day as a God Mother with baby K___
  • celebrated births of C____ , L _____, and G _____
  • started my Master's Degree in School Counseling
  • made lots of new desserts and appetizers
  • took family photos
  • Worked summer school :( grrr
  • bought my second NEW item for our home in six years of marriage
  • learned to feel comfortable in the life I have been blessed with
  • signed up for The Color Run on Nov. 11th
  • started seeing a new Catholic based fertility specialist with NaPro Technology
  • gained new friendships and strengthened my current ones
  • successfully completed many fasts with my husband
  • Shopped, shopped, and shopped some more
  • decorated and re-decorated
  • bought ANOTHER kitchen table
  • went to Alamo Draft house
  • Prayed, prayed, and prayed some more
  • and last but not least...Celebrated. 

From 28-29,  I celebrated my wonderful and blessed life, my God, my church, my husband, my family, my friends, my job and co-workers, my students, my doggies, and all of the babies God has placed in my path until I am blessed with one of my own.  I celebrated my failures and my success. I celebrated the rough patches and the smooth rides. I celebrated when I didn't feel like it, and some times too much!

From 29-30 my goals are simple: Live Life. I am not living in the future, the past, or in my dreams. I am simply living, as a 29 year old success and I finally feel like I am right where I need to be.


Moving On...

Running therapy > Writing therapy and = to real therapy!! That's where I have been folks! Running! My first race is November 11th and I am excited about our Color Run! For our 6th anniversary we are celebrating in our Nike's! Change is the new theme in our home as we have not only been running, we have also been moving on! We just moved and are excited to start our new life and new adventure God has planned for us. It seems that through running and moving I have had little time to write, much less think about the big I word "Infertility." I had a mini breakdown a few weeks ago, but other than that- I have recovered! Hubby also told me that night at dinner what my birthday present was going to be. He asked Max Bemis to write a song for me about my struggle with Infertility and how I am not broken, even though I can't make babies! After I had reapplied my make up 4 times that very day, I then started bawling AGAIN at the dinner table! Max is the artist of Say Anything, a band we use to  frequently listen to, go to concerts for, etc...but as we have aged, our taste has changed to other types of music! Cody saw that Max was asking his fans to write a page about whatever they wanted their song to be about, so Cody wrote about me! Max only accepts 100 fans' letters so I am thrilled to hear it! And with that I can say (confidently) I am moving on. The baby-less-ness is getting easier to deal with and my self acceptance is uncovering itself.

God always has his hand in things and he sure did with our home. After buying a lemon we finally got out of it. It took my husband's career change, which freed up some space to apply for government help, but we are OUT! We owe nothing and it barely dented our credit! By the grace of God, our deed in lieu was granted and we are free. We moved last weekend with the help of our great friends, parents, and some extra help-- one that wasn't an English speaker and one that was-- leave it to MY dad to get the two mixed up! Talk about funny stuff! We have moved on to better things and this allows us to be able to transfer anywhere in Texas that Cody applies for higher positions with JD. After trying to sell our home several times, God wanted it THIS way, HIS way. It's odd to live in a new place, to look back and see where life took a turn for the better, even when that turn looked like a turn for the worse.

I saw a C.S. Lewis quote the other day, and ever since then I have been needing to blog! Change is scary and uncomfortable, but it allows to become something we have never been before. That's why I love being a teacher; I can change who I am as a teacher, each year. I finally got my ticket for change. It was not exactly how I expected and for the last few days I have been pinching myself, saying, is this really my new life? All of a sudden, in one second I went from what I was, to what I wanted to be. I am moving on everyone, and happy.