5 days ago
Whine Whine Whine. I was doing a lot of that last week. (It would have helped if I was doing more wine, wine, wine, but I was too lazy to buy a bottle). When I came home Friday, I asked Cody late that night if he had read my blog. He didn't say much. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate my writing, he was just thinking of what exactly to say to me. When I woke up on Saturday to feed our dogs who demand to eat at 6:00 am- No. MATTER. WHAT. I crawled back into bed to some scholarly words of wisdom from my husband. He said. Babe, I know you feel "stuck" sometimes, but think of our situation this way: God thinks you and I are so special, he is giving US time to be where we NEED to be to be good parents. He thinks so much of us and loves us for our devotion to him, that he has given us a grace that most couples would love to have. He said that God is giving us time to get healthy, and financially sound--- get our "act together" before he gives us more to handle and the ball is in our court. He is trusting us to get it together! He is giving us time to get our marriage back on the same page. That is all he had to say. It was like someone waved a magic wand over me and I "got it." It all made sense. I am so thankful that he waited to say the right thing. I am so happy that he told me that. Because even though I had already thought of that in my head, it just made more sense coming from him. So, after that conversation and some much needed time for myself this weekend, I am feeling ON TOP OF THE WORLD! Happy Monday y'all.
What has been up with me lately? Nothing. I find that I spend most of my life, with zero changes on my end, living through the events of other people. It's is like Groundhog Day all of the time, with random events of others sprinkled in accordingly. It seems that everyday is the same. I get ready, head to work, teach, eat lunch in A3, teach, go home, occasionally workout, and it is a tossup between the last: church, dinner out, or home in a vegetative state with hubby. My life has no IT factor. There isn't anything exciting going on over here. What I have noticed though is that it seems excitement is always going on in the lives of others. I sometimes find myself saying... (whining) “Life isn’t fair for me.” I find myself whining all of the time and then when I catch myself I figuratively slap myself in the face with “Thank you God for all of the gifts you have bestowed upon my life, I am sorry for the unjust comments to you. Thank you for my Church, family, friends, job, knowledge, health, abilities, and the love you have for me, but.” Sometimes I say “but…” and sometimes I don’t. I feel sometimes like I am just “along for the ride” in everyone else’s life because my car is broken down. Imagine that for just a minute. Literally. When your car is broken down and you rely on others to bring you from one place to another, you feel a sense of helplessness. Now, imagine your car being broken down for years. Every morning you wait for someone to pick you for work and take you home. It is beyond frustrating. Figuratively in life, when your car is broken down, it is like you have no life, no voice, and no “take off.” Every day is mundane and you rely on the excitement in everyone else to take you to that that place as well. I find myself always in PAUSE at all times, I am always waiting in the wings of everyone else’s show. I know in the back of my brain, I am supposed to continue life as I know it, but it seems there is nothing really to do. I mean, really. Imagine. Your life. With your car. Broken down. For years. How would you feel? My favorite lyric to Dream, by Priscilla Ahn is “I asked God who I'm supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep.” Press play and enjoy the song. Have a great weekend y’all!