4 days ago
Today is a new day. It is time to answer the call and become the best version of yourself. I really liked the part of the video where Chrystalina talks about putting God off until a later time. Now is the time. We are not called to be perfect, we are called to be faithful, even when we don't FEEL like it. I am not on a soap box, believe me. I take this video as my own advice. But I can tell you this. With out my faith in God, my journey with infertility, my martial issues, broken friendships, and a stressful job would be much more difficult to overcome and bear if I didn't know he was carrying me. My strength literally comes from him. When I am broken it does't matter how many cupcakes I eat- I need to drive myself to adoration, lay prostrate on the floor and hand it to him. I continue my faith and walk with God even when I am mad or disappointed, when I am afraid and when I am doubtful- and I am those many many days. It is the one constant in my life, and it can be yours too.
So Saturday, I was again, home in a quiet house- nothing to do and guess who showed up? Remember my post about great aunt depression- yea...she came back. Y'all, it's like sometimes I just can't SHAKE IT OFF! I want to so bad, but I can't. Until you are in my shoes, you can't fathom what it is like. It seems that what I am going through, I would be used to by now, almost "over it" but I am not. Being infertile makes you constantly feel like you aren't good enough. It makes you evaluate and analyze every part of your life, not just your ovaries! It makes you re-look at who you are and what you have done with the life God has given you. It makes you bitter at the times that you don't want to be! I could tell you that so many times I have wanted to be truly happy and joyous in the past months, but I. Just. Couldn't. From my perspective, people seem to then not know what to do. It seems the more you struggle with infertility... the further and further people move away from you. Is it because they are tired of listening to you "whine"? Is it because they don't have time to help you because they actually have a life and things to do because they have children? I don't know. I really don't know. What I do know is, it's that infertility is an awkward and lonely disease. There are several angels in my life that have gone through this and are still going through this. They have really been there for me during this time. Last year, I thought I would never get to the point where certain things bothered me about being infertile, but now, they do. It's an uncontrollable life changing situation that I have to learn to be patient with. This weekend was depressing for me. After I went to confession and spent some time at adoration praying and praying, not for me, rather for others that I "envy" I left and went to visit my mom. There, she had a gift for me. Her very good friend, my second mother, "Ms. Carol" had brought a gift to me. The letter inside of the envelope was a story about her neighbor and her struggle with PCOS and infertility. She tried many years to get pregnant and to carry a baby to term. I do not know much, but I do know Ms. Carol was over visiting her NEW BORN! She got to talking and the neighbor shared her story of PCOS and her struggle. Ms. Carol shared mine. The lady left the room teary-eyed and brought back this: Her mother brought it for her during her struggle and she wore it daily to remind herself to "Be Patient. God's timing is always perfect". That is what is inscripted on the bracelet. She gave it to Ms. Carol to give to me! It was so special for me to get this after my hard day. I've been wearing it since and will continue to.
MMmmmmm! YUmmmm! That's what everyone was saying last night at my house! We had our monthly bunco gathering and it was my month to host! I racked my brain, but then came up with the Mardi Gras theme, and it was a BIG HIT! Cody made chicken, sausage, and shrimp Jambalaya-and we had salad and french bread to go with it! Everyone was pleased with dinner and hubby even had leftovers when he returned home! But the biggest hits of the night were two new recipes that I tried! One was a Chocolate Fondue- that I served with marshmallows, fruit, potato chips and pretzels! The best part about it was the Malibu Rum that was mixed in with the chocolate! I made it in my small crock pot and mmmm I was so glad to have leftovers! The other big hit was the Black-Eyed Pea Salsa. The next time I make it 1- I will make a double recipe because it was gone in 20 minutes and 2- I think I will add chunks of avocado to it! BOTH WERE FAB! I am so proud of myself for trying something new! It was really really good too! Of course our celebration would not have been complete with out a King Cake! We had a blast....hope you try out the recipes :)